Money might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you think of romance. But did you know having healthy discussions about money can not only improve your financial wellbeing but also build trust and improve your relationship? Whether you broach the subject on Valentine’s Day or set another time for ‘money date night’, here are seven questions you can ask your partner to get the conversation started.
Research has shown that money is a common subject of conflict between couples. A study by Fidelity Investments found that one in five couples identify money as their greatest relationship challenge.1 But it doesn’t have to be a wedge between people. Open and honest conversations about attitudes towards money and financial goals can build trust between partners and make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to financial expenditures – potentially minimising money arguments in the future.
The sooner you start talking about money, the better. Here are some ideas for questions you can ask your partner, and answer in return, to get the money conversation started and set you on track to realise your shared financial goals.
What are your financial goals?
Find out what your partner’s life and relationship goals are for the next 5-10 years, and what their corresponding financial goals are for getting there. Are they saving for something right now? While it’s good to have individual financial goals, when we become part of a couple, these goals can affect the finances of both people. Once you’ve each shared your existing personal goals, you will be better placed to set, and achieve, shared financial goals as a couple.
Are you a spender or a saver?
Research has found that some people are genetically wired to save and others to spend.2 Genetic differences explain about 33 per cent of the variation in savings propensities across individuals. But genetics don’t tell the whole story. Parenting and life experiences also have an impact. Find out if your partner spends everything they earn or prefers to save a big portion of their pay for emergencies, retirement or other financial goals.
When you grew up, how were finances handled in your home?
Did you parents ever talk about money? Who managed the finances in your family? How were you taught about money management? The answers to these questions can provide some valuable insights into your partner’s relationship with money.
What are your feelings about debt, and how much debt do you owe?
Most people have some kind of debt, from credit cards to personal loans and home loans. Having too much debt can put a lot of financial strain on a relationship. Find out if your partner has credit cards and whether they use them to pay for things they can’t afford. Do they have a burgeoning credit card debt or are they diligent about paying off their debt each month. Does your partner prefer to save for things they want to buy or do they tend to use cards or buy-now-pay-later services to avoid having to wait?
What is your credit score?
When entering into a committed relationship, it’s good to know your partner’s credit score and their credit history. If you need to borrow money together in the future, whether for a home, car or other life goal, both of your credit scores will be a big factor in determining your ability to obtain a loan. If your partner’s credit score is low, they can improve it gradually by making sure they pay bills on time in the future.
Do you prefer to have joint accounts or keep our money separate?
For some couples, having joint accounts can make them feel closer and make household spending and budgeting easier. Others prefer separate accounts because they feel more financially independent. For many couples, it works well to have both – a joint account for household spending and bills, and separate accounts for personal spending.
What about the kids?
If either of you has children, you’ll need to discuss the financial implications for the relationship. Does child support need to be paid? How do former spouses fit in? Who will pay for the children’s expenses?
Whether you discuss money this Valentine’s Day or not, it is important to talk about your finances together honestly and often. Consider scheduling regular money date nights to check in on your finances, set goals, and make or review your budget. You can make the discussion more fun by doing something you both enjoy, such as going out to dinner. Also, financial tasks like budgeting can be more fun with a partner, and tackling them together can strengthen your bond, while helping you reach your financial goals.